It’s awesome when food tastes good. That’s one of the main Good Things that can happen to a person. Tasting a yummy ham? I’m legit obsessed. That is amazing. But it can’t always be this way. Food has too many variables, too many styles. Things like “oxidation” matter with food. I’m not going to be able to solve “oxidation.” I’m just Kelsey. There’s no way food can be good every time it appears at the table and unfortunately, not everyone is chill about that. For those people, I present a new mantra: “I like when food tastes good but if not, that’s no problem, I’ll eat again soon.”
Food has a lot of purposes. Sustenance, cultural preservation, community, protein for bulking and cutting when you need to be ripped tf up and, yes, flavor. Taste and texture do matter. I don’t want to understate that. However, dinner is largely about community. Breaking bread with others is one of the oldest traditions we have, besides graffiti. I know those stews in ancient days of yore tasted like shit, no offense to noblemen. And yet, they broke bread and decided which villages to destroy and conquer just the same.
It’s been suggested to me that perhaps I have this take because I “can’t taste that well.” I can taste just fine! I think! (Though, I do like sharp flavors, like habanero sauce, olives, black coffee, icing, candy (not chocolate, stay away from me) so honestly maybe I can’t taste that well… That’s no problem. I have 4 other senses.)
Now, let me be clear: I don’t want food to taste bad in a way where it makes me sick. I hate getting food poisoning. I think it sucks. If I get food poisoning, I will be annoying about it, and/or tell the story on stage. My argument here is focused solely on food that, like, maybe should be better than it is.
Food simply can’t be good every time. Restaurants have off nights. The oven in your rented apartment doesn’t have a very steady heating system. The baristas at your coffee shop are in the middle of sharing a good morsel of gossip, and so I’m sorry, the milk might be a little over-frothed. Dang it, but ok! We’ll try again tomorrow morning! It’s just not something to spend more than like 5 sentences on.
If you are at a restaurant and you did not like the food, and are feeling irritated that you paid for it, ask yourself: did someone get paid tonight? Did a service worker receive a tip? Will a small business, someone’s life’s work, live to see another day because of your patronage? Did you get to know the person with whom you so lovingly scheduled this dinner just a little better? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” I actually think it sounds like you had an amazing night. Take stock!
The ONLY exception to the “I like when food tastes good, but if not, no problem” rule is meal prepping. Trying a new recipe only to find out it is trash? I will be unhappy. 1) I am the chef. Bad Kelsey. 2) meal prepping makes, like, a pound of food. It’s not just one bad meal. It’s 5 bad dinners and maybe a lunch. 3) Fridge space. Where will my berries go… A bad meal prep violates the “that’s fine. I’ll eat again soon” clause, as the item I will be eating again soon is the worst stew I’ve ever tasted, made by my own hand. The call should never come from inside the house… and yet…
Food should be good. Just like politicians should do their jobs, or “push to start” cars should also be able to start with a manual key. Unfortunately, sometimes these things are simply not possible. When faced with food that is not up to your standards, I come to you on hand and knee, asking the royal you ❤️to remind yourself ❤️it’s ok ❤️you’ll eat again soon ❤️